This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
