don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
