Umm I'm too high to move.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize