how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
