dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I will pee on everything he values.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
