I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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