Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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