It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
