She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
