she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
