maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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