I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
