I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize