I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
