Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
