you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I wish my penis had an off switch
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
