they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
