I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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