your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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