I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize