My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
