I just threw up on my dentist
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
