Banned from zoo.
Again?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
