Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
