he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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