you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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