In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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