u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
