i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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