do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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