I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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