literally had 100 drinks last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize