i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
