I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
