omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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