stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Randomize
