Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
