he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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