U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize