I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
