life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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