I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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