Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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