Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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