Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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