I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
