In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
