You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ketchup is God's man juice
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I supernannyed him into submission
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
