wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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