so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
