I accidentally had phone sex last night
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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