All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
