stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
