The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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