i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
