Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
