I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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