Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
