Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize