Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You've changed since you got that strap on
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
