i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
