hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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