i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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