I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
