So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
