I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
