the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
