Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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