what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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