I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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