Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
