Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
