piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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