Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Randomize
