I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize