I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
