First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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