Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
