I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
