1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
