Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
