i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
