My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize