Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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