Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
